It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
