he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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