Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
