it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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