is your mom at the bar?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
