i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
