yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize