Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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