It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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