There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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