As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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