What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
