nut hugger
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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