I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
