You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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