I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
