You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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