my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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