When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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