Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
