But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
