I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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