Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
