Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
