can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
