If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
