If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
