Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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