Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You pole danced in your parka.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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