Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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