I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
