I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize