Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
