This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
