I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
