I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
