I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
