I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
