My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
