Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize