But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
