would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
