He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
