I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
