Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
