and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
