I should be sponsored by Trojan
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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