batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
