Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
