is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
