After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
