I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
