He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wear drunk well.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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