Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
