Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
