fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
