dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize