Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
