did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize