He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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