**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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