You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
