the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
