I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize