no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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