did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
