i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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