she said she was living bicuriously through me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had sex on a roof
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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