Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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