You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
