Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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