every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
