u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
