I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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