Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
