What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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