take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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